Post by amtrum on Jul 3, 2008 23:01:31 GMT -5
OOC: This thread takes place outside of the city
IC: Mathew's hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles white from the effort. Sweat was beading on his forehead as he drove on the long empty road. It had been far too long since he went out for "fresh air" and he was starting to feel the shakes of Withdrawal. He needed a fix and he needed it bad, but he wasn't stupid enough to do it where he would be found. He could and would handle this on his own, he didn't want to talk about it to his parents or a psychiatrist. That would likely just end up with him heavily medicated, which was not something he was interested in. What would it look like to an employer to see him labeled as unstable or something like that? No, for his own good he would keep this secret and keep it under control.
In the back of his car the cat he had picked up slept on the back seat oblivious to what was to be it's fate in just a few short hours. Mathew actually felt bad for the poor thing. He didn't like doing this, but it was beyond a choice for him. It was a compulsion. An incarnation of the worst part of his soul, it sickened him.
Just the thought of what he was going to do sent waves of nausea through his body but he would do what he could to ignore it and focus on the road.
Just don't think about it. Just do it and get it done with then we can go home. Thats it, it won't take long and then we can enjoy the outdoors and relax before going home.
The thought wasn't much comfort for Mathew but what choice did he have but to obey his thoughts? He already knew he was going to do it like he had done many times before over the years. Each time he was less and less satisfied and found himself doing it again sooner and sooner every time.
He would continue to drive in silence, not even bothering to turn on the radio. He didn't want his thoughts uninterrupted by music right now. He was more then content to wallow in self loathing for what he has done, what he is going to do.
This is a natural outlet of your stress and aggression. Sure it may be a bit extreme but it could be worse. At least it is just animals. It isn't like you are killing people or anything like that. It isn't a sin if animals don't have souls. I mean, you eat meat don't you? Well this is the same thing, circle of life. Something will eat the body. You are just a part of an everlasting cycle of nature.
That thought seemed to make him even more mad as he gritted his teeth not liking the rationalization that was going through his head. He didn't really believe that what he was doing was right at all. He couldn't stop himself, but he knew it was wrong and it was sick. That he was sick for even thinking about doing it, let alone actually doing it. Sometimes he wondered how people couldn't see how disgusting he really was.
As he drove he would go back and forth mentally as if battling with himself. Just like he always did part of him tried to rationalize what he was doing while another part of him knew it was wrong and was disgusted at himself for doing it, and yet, he still did it.
When he arrived at his destination, a secluded little part off the highway, a place that it was VERY unlikely he would run in to another human. He would get out of his car after shutting it off and then he would make his way to the back of his car opening the trunk pulling out his tools.
The first thing he would take out from the trunk was rope which he would drop down to the ground by his feet. Next came several wooden pegs that were sharpened at the end so it could piece through the hard ground. Following that was of course a hammer to pound in the pegs. The last thing that he took from the trunk was a knife, a skinning knife that was sharpened to a razor edge. Running his thumb across the blade he would wince slightly as he cut himself causing a very small trickle of blood to form at the cut. Promptly putting his thumb in to his mouth he would suck at the blood tonguing the wound as he knelt down next to his tools.
He had done this many times before and it was natural now, cutting lengths of rope and tying one edge to the pegs before hammering them in to the ground spaced apart perfectly for his needs. Then opening the door to the car he would gently take the cat out stroking it as he did, earning a small purr for his efforts before slipping the first rope around the cat's paw so it couldn't get away. After that it was just a matter of tying up the other paws leaving the cat stretched out on the ground meowing in pain at the uncomfortable position it was now in.
A small shudder of ecstasy coursed through his body as he heard it's cries of pain before he pulled out his knife. Grabbing the animal by the scruff of it's neck he would make his first cut sending another wave of sickening pleasure through his body as the creature cried out in pain as he started his gruesome work.
His work lasted hours filled with the pleasure inducing screams of pain from the animal as he slowly skinned it alive before ending it's pain by gutting it. The creature did not have a quick death by any means and at the end Mathew lay next to the dead and gutted animal shuddering on the ground in pleasure as he looked at his work. He didn't move to clean it up right away, he was basking in it for now. But he wouldn't do it long, It would only be minutes before he got up and disposed of the body in to the woods where an animal would eat it. He would then burn the wooden stakes and rope that he had used before cleaning the knife on his clothing which he would then also burn. He had a fresh change of clothing in the back of his car to change in to. But he didn't want to chance anyone finding out about this. He didn't want any trace of this being linked to him.
But that would all be handled later, for now he was just laying on his side giggling at the pleasure he felt feeling the most content he had in weeks.
See I told you it would be worth it....
IC: Mathew's hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles white from the effort. Sweat was beading on his forehead as he drove on the long empty road. It had been far too long since he went out for "fresh air" and he was starting to feel the shakes of Withdrawal. He needed a fix and he needed it bad, but he wasn't stupid enough to do it where he would be found. He could and would handle this on his own, he didn't want to talk about it to his parents or a psychiatrist. That would likely just end up with him heavily medicated, which was not something he was interested in. What would it look like to an employer to see him labeled as unstable or something like that? No, for his own good he would keep this secret and keep it under control.
In the back of his car the cat he had picked up slept on the back seat oblivious to what was to be it's fate in just a few short hours. Mathew actually felt bad for the poor thing. He didn't like doing this, but it was beyond a choice for him. It was a compulsion. An incarnation of the worst part of his soul, it sickened him.
Just the thought of what he was going to do sent waves of nausea through his body but he would do what he could to ignore it and focus on the road.
Just don't think about it. Just do it and get it done with then we can go home. Thats it, it won't take long and then we can enjoy the outdoors and relax before going home.
The thought wasn't much comfort for Mathew but what choice did he have but to obey his thoughts? He already knew he was going to do it like he had done many times before over the years. Each time he was less and less satisfied and found himself doing it again sooner and sooner every time.
He would continue to drive in silence, not even bothering to turn on the radio. He didn't want his thoughts uninterrupted by music right now. He was more then content to wallow in self loathing for what he has done, what he is going to do.
This is a natural outlet of your stress and aggression. Sure it may be a bit extreme but it could be worse. At least it is just animals. It isn't like you are killing people or anything like that. It isn't a sin if animals don't have souls. I mean, you eat meat don't you? Well this is the same thing, circle of life. Something will eat the body. You are just a part of an everlasting cycle of nature.
That thought seemed to make him even more mad as he gritted his teeth not liking the rationalization that was going through his head. He didn't really believe that what he was doing was right at all. He couldn't stop himself, but he knew it was wrong and it was sick. That he was sick for even thinking about doing it, let alone actually doing it. Sometimes he wondered how people couldn't see how disgusting he really was.
As he drove he would go back and forth mentally as if battling with himself. Just like he always did part of him tried to rationalize what he was doing while another part of him knew it was wrong and was disgusted at himself for doing it, and yet, he still did it.
When he arrived at his destination, a secluded little part off the highway, a place that it was VERY unlikely he would run in to another human. He would get out of his car after shutting it off and then he would make his way to the back of his car opening the trunk pulling out his tools.
The first thing he would take out from the trunk was rope which he would drop down to the ground by his feet. Next came several wooden pegs that were sharpened at the end so it could piece through the hard ground. Following that was of course a hammer to pound in the pegs. The last thing that he took from the trunk was a knife, a skinning knife that was sharpened to a razor edge. Running his thumb across the blade he would wince slightly as he cut himself causing a very small trickle of blood to form at the cut. Promptly putting his thumb in to his mouth he would suck at the blood tonguing the wound as he knelt down next to his tools.
He had done this many times before and it was natural now, cutting lengths of rope and tying one edge to the pegs before hammering them in to the ground spaced apart perfectly for his needs. Then opening the door to the car he would gently take the cat out stroking it as he did, earning a small purr for his efforts before slipping the first rope around the cat's paw so it couldn't get away. After that it was just a matter of tying up the other paws leaving the cat stretched out on the ground meowing in pain at the uncomfortable position it was now in.
A small shudder of ecstasy coursed through his body as he heard it's cries of pain before he pulled out his knife. Grabbing the animal by the scruff of it's neck he would make his first cut sending another wave of sickening pleasure through his body as the creature cried out in pain as he started his gruesome work.
His work lasted hours filled with the pleasure inducing screams of pain from the animal as he slowly skinned it alive before ending it's pain by gutting it. The creature did not have a quick death by any means and at the end Mathew lay next to the dead and gutted animal shuddering on the ground in pleasure as he looked at his work. He didn't move to clean it up right away, he was basking in it for now. But he wouldn't do it long, It would only be minutes before he got up and disposed of the body in to the woods where an animal would eat it. He would then burn the wooden stakes and rope that he had used before cleaning the knife on his clothing which he would then also burn. He had a fresh change of clothing in the back of his car to change in to. But he didn't want to chance anyone finding out about this. He didn't want any trace of this being linked to him.
But that would all be handled later, for now he was just laying on his side giggling at the pleasure he felt feeling the most content he had in weeks.
See I told you it would be worth it....