Post by amtrum on Jul 27, 2008 23:08:17 GMT -5
Mathew didn't get home until very late, so late it was almost early, his eyes were swollen red from crying the whole way home. Nose red and sore from rubbing it with his arm the whole way as he tried to keep himself under control. Alex was sleeping peacefully on the seat next to him. His hands and nostrils burned from the bleach he had used to clean up the blood, crude but effective. Especially since he didn't have a lot of time.
Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....
It was a mantra that he kept repeating to himself, each time the name went through his mind it was like a lash against his soul. Nothing he did could ever make up for what he had done, there was no way he could ever forgive himself. He was a sick and disgusting person and he wanted to die. He wanted Kira to find out what he had done somehow and judge him right there on the spot. He knew that wouldn't happen though, as much as he hated himself right now he was afraid to die. He would do whatever he could to make sure he lived. That didn't mean he couldn't wish for death though, deep down in his soul.
Stop being such a baby, you are not going to die and you are not going to get caught. You act like killing is a big deal, death is a part of life.
Mathew wouldn't even reply to the voice this time. Instead he would look over to his new friend Alex. His heart seemed to break once again as he looked at the sleeping animal. His mind playing back the images of the evening. The cat tied down and his blade ready to slice in to it's flesh. He would flinch as his mind played back the sound of the woman yelling at him and his eyes would shut tightly as his knife cut through her flesh, the feel of blood splattering on him still there as if he was being hit by a fresh batch.
A shudder of ecstasy followed swiftly by disgust would course through his body as his mind played the events over once again. He wasn't sure what was worse the fact that he had killed someone or that he got off on it.
Whats wrong with me? Why am I like this? Why do I have to feel this from such a horrible act?
Because you are a disgusting person. Accept it, embrace it. Humanity is sick, isn't that right? Isn't that why Kira exists? To heal the festering puss filled wound of humanity. The disgusting vermin that you can now count yourself among? Why fight who you are? Embrace it.
Mathew's eyes would shoot open. That voice almost sounded like it was coming from behind him. That was impossible though, he was alone and he knew he was. He would have noticed if someone else was in the car with him. His head would turn swiftly expecting to see nothing there, instead he saw a man sitting in the back of his car. He was an older man, maybe in his 40's dressed in a business suit from the looks of it. His appearance very tidy.
Brilliant Green eyes would stare at him with a cocky smile covering the lips. His hair was slightly messy but more in a styled way then an actual accidental messy. Mathew would jump at seeing the man in the back of his car, he had never seen him before but he felt a connection to the man. Like he was someone that he has known for a long time.
"Who are you!?" Mathew would ask urgently as he leaned his body against the wheel as far away from the man as he could. His eyes looking around frantically taking in everything before locking on to the back door where he would see the door was locked.
How did he get in here!?
Hahaha you don't know who I am? Thats a shame, I thought that we were really getting close Matty Boy.
The man would say in the same voice that had been arguing with him for god knows how long. this was the first time he had ever seen anything though. Fear and dread would wash over his body. This wasn't good and he knew it. Whatever was wrong with him had to be getting worse if he was seeing things. No, that wasn't it he had some problems but he wasn't crazy. If he was crazy he would know it, wouldn't he?
Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. I really thought we were beyond introductions. But fine if you want a name how about Endrin.
"Endrin? What kind of name is that?"
Mathew would ask blinking at the odd choice of name. It didn't even sound like a name, not a real one at least. Endrin would just smile at him though, the way and adult would smile at a child that had just asked a stupid question.
If you must know Endrin is a pesticide. A poison, I figure it's a good enough name to call me. Who knows maybe I will let you know what I call myself when we become REALLY good friends. But for now Endrin will do.
"A pesticide....?" Mathew would ask not getting it. He would sniffle loudly before wiping his arm across his sore nose as he looked at the man in his back seat. He wasn't real, there was no way he could be real. He was just stressed because of Alexandria, that was all.
"You're not real." Mathew would say before grabbing the cat and opening the door to the car to get out leaving the 'man' in the car as he went to the door to unlock it. He needed a shower, he wanted to wash the feeling of filth off of him. Setting the cat down inside the house he would take off his shoes trying to be quiet so he didn't wake his parents up as he went upstairs to his room to grab some sleeping clothes, with the clothing in his hands he would go to the bathroom grabbing one of the towels from the rack and setting them all down on the hamper Mathew would slowly strip down from his clothing letting them lay on the floor for now before leaning on the sink looking at his face in the mirror.
He would jump at seeing Endrin reflected behind him, turning back around quickly to confront the man he was greeted with only the wall. He was just imagining things it seemed. He would sigh deeply before locking the door and turning on the water as hot as it would go. Letting the water heat up and watching as steam began to rise up he would once again play the events of the evening through his head. He didn't think he had anymore tears to shed but he kept picturing her lifeless body with blood seeping out of the slash and he would choke a bit on his sobs. Stepping in to the shower he would sink down in to a sitting position in the tub letting the hot water rain down on him. It stung it was so hot but he didn't care, he welcomed every feeling of pain no matter how small it was. Though he knew it would never be enough to make him feel better.
Small sobs would wrack his body as he sat huddled in the shower with water raining down on him, his skin turning red from the endless rain of hot water.
"I killed her... I am going to go to hell... I deserve to go to hell... If there was justice I would slit my wrists now and just end it."
Oh come on that is stupid, even for you. Kill yourself? Why the hell would you do that? So you killed one little person big deal. You need to get a grip on yourself, It isn't a big deal.
His head would snap up when he heard that familiar cocky voice. Opening the shower curtain he would see Endrin sitting on the toilet looking at him from where he sat. Endrin's eyes would shoot to the door seeing it was still locked. Another shudder of fear and loathing coursed through his body.
"This isn't happening, you are not real."
Oh? I'm not real? Then why are you talking to me? How am I here if I am not real. No, I am real. I am very real.
Endrin would say this with a sickeningly cocky smile as he leaned closer to Mathew. Mathew in turn would recoil from the man and cover himself up feeling very vulnerable now that he was naked.
"You are just my imagination. Stress from tonight is getting to me you are not real." He would say trying to sound firm, though in truth he didn't even believe his words, and Endrin seemed to be able to pick up on that.
You are so full of it. We both know that I have been talking to you long before tonight. This is just the first time you have allowed yourself to see me. You are growing as a human being and slowly accepting what you are, however reluctantly.
"No, thats a..."
Mathew was cut off by Endrin slamming his fist down on the counter top. It would cause a loud bang, but nothing on the counter would so much as stir, which was odd to him.
Shut up! I am getting really sick of your attitude. Who are you to decide if I exist or not. Accept it, I do and you are stuck with me. Consider me your new roommate. And as your roommate I have a few demands. The first one is you need to stop being so emo, it is really starting to get on my nerves. Grow a pair you big baby. Secondly stop this crap about killing yourself and turning yourself in and being judged. We all know that isn't going to happen. What you are going to do is act normal. Nothing happened. You went out, got some air, came home like always. Nothing of interest. Third is you don't talk about me to anyone, period.
Mathew was dumbfounded by the man's sudden forcefulness and in his current state Mathew would only nod dumbly as the man spoke. He wouldn't tell anyone about Endrin, he didn't want them to think he was crazy. As for the rest... he didn't know if he could do that, but he would at least try. He really didn't want to die, or he would have killed himself.
"Ok I will try..." He would say weakly as Endrin's forceful personality seemed to wash over him.
Good, so here is what we are going to do.....
Endrin would start telling Mathew what was on his mind, Mathew would just huddle with himself tighter as he listened, rocking back and forth slowly he would shake his head no he didn't like what he was hearing and he wasn't going to do it.
Endrin would just look at Mathew's weak refusal and shrug his shoulders.
Whatever you say Mathew, maybe I will talk to you about it again when you are feeling better. I can see you are distressed. But trust me, I know what I am talking about....
Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....Alexandria Stone....
It was a mantra that he kept repeating to himself, each time the name went through his mind it was like a lash against his soul. Nothing he did could ever make up for what he had done, there was no way he could ever forgive himself. He was a sick and disgusting person and he wanted to die. He wanted Kira to find out what he had done somehow and judge him right there on the spot. He knew that wouldn't happen though, as much as he hated himself right now he was afraid to die. He would do whatever he could to make sure he lived. That didn't mean he couldn't wish for death though, deep down in his soul.
Stop being such a baby, you are not going to die and you are not going to get caught. You act like killing is a big deal, death is a part of life.
Mathew wouldn't even reply to the voice this time. Instead he would look over to his new friend Alex. His heart seemed to break once again as he looked at the sleeping animal. His mind playing back the images of the evening. The cat tied down and his blade ready to slice in to it's flesh. He would flinch as his mind played back the sound of the woman yelling at him and his eyes would shut tightly as his knife cut through her flesh, the feel of blood splattering on him still there as if he was being hit by a fresh batch.
A shudder of ecstasy followed swiftly by disgust would course through his body as his mind played the events over once again. He wasn't sure what was worse the fact that he had killed someone or that he got off on it.
Whats wrong with me? Why am I like this? Why do I have to feel this from such a horrible act?
Because you are a disgusting person. Accept it, embrace it. Humanity is sick, isn't that right? Isn't that why Kira exists? To heal the festering puss filled wound of humanity. The disgusting vermin that you can now count yourself among? Why fight who you are? Embrace it.
Mathew's eyes would shoot open. That voice almost sounded like it was coming from behind him. That was impossible though, he was alone and he knew he was. He would have noticed if someone else was in the car with him. His head would turn swiftly expecting to see nothing there, instead he saw a man sitting in the back of his car. He was an older man, maybe in his 40's dressed in a business suit from the looks of it. His appearance very tidy.
Brilliant Green eyes would stare at him with a cocky smile covering the lips. His hair was slightly messy but more in a styled way then an actual accidental messy. Mathew would jump at seeing the man in the back of his car, he had never seen him before but he felt a connection to the man. Like he was someone that he has known for a long time.
"Who are you!?" Mathew would ask urgently as he leaned his body against the wheel as far away from the man as he could. His eyes looking around frantically taking in everything before locking on to the back door where he would see the door was locked.
How did he get in here!?
Hahaha you don't know who I am? Thats a shame, I thought that we were really getting close Matty Boy.
The man would say in the same voice that had been arguing with him for god knows how long. this was the first time he had ever seen anything though. Fear and dread would wash over his body. This wasn't good and he knew it. Whatever was wrong with him had to be getting worse if he was seeing things. No, that wasn't it he had some problems but he wasn't crazy. If he was crazy he would know it, wouldn't he?
Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. I really thought we were beyond introductions. But fine if you want a name how about Endrin.
"Endrin? What kind of name is that?"
Mathew would ask blinking at the odd choice of name. It didn't even sound like a name, not a real one at least. Endrin would just smile at him though, the way and adult would smile at a child that had just asked a stupid question.
If you must know Endrin is a pesticide. A poison, I figure it's a good enough name to call me. Who knows maybe I will let you know what I call myself when we become REALLY good friends. But for now Endrin will do.
"A pesticide....?" Mathew would ask not getting it. He would sniffle loudly before wiping his arm across his sore nose as he looked at the man in his back seat. He wasn't real, there was no way he could be real. He was just stressed because of Alexandria, that was all.
"You're not real." Mathew would say before grabbing the cat and opening the door to the car to get out leaving the 'man' in the car as he went to the door to unlock it. He needed a shower, he wanted to wash the feeling of filth off of him. Setting the cat down inside the house he would take off his shoes trying to be quiet so he didn't wake his parents up as he went upstairs to his room to grab some sleeping clothes, with the clothing in his hands he would go to the bathroom grabbing one of the towels from the rack and setting them all down on the hamper Mathew would slowly strip down from his clothing letting them lay on the floor for now before leaning on the sink looking at his face in the mirror.
He would jump at seeing Endrin reflected behind him, turning back around quickly to confront the man he was greeted with only the wall. He was just imagining things it seemed. He would sigh deeply before locking the door and turning on the water as hot as it would go. Letting the water heat up and watching as steam began to rise up he would once again play the events of the evening through his head. He didn't think he had anymore tears to shed but he kept picturing her lifeless body with blood seeping out of the slash and he would choke a bit on his sobs. Stepping in to the shower he would sink down in to a sitting position in the tub letting the hot water rain down on him. It stung it was so hot but he didn't care, he welcomed every feeling of pain no matter how small it was. Though he knew it would never be enough to make him feel better.
Small sobs would wrack his body as he sat huddled in the shower with water raining down on him, his skin turning red from the endless rain of hot water.
"I killed her... I am going to go to hell... I deserve to go to hell... If there was justice I would slit my wrists now and just end it."
Oh come on that is stupid, even for you. Kill yourself? Why the hell would you do that? So you killed one little person big deal. You need to get a grip on yourself, It isn't a big deal.
His head would snap up when he heard that familiar cocky voice. Opening the shower curtain he would see Endrin sitting on the toilet looking at him from where he sat. Endrin's eyes would shoot to the door seeing it was still locked. Another shudder of fear and loathing coursed through his body.
"This isn't happening, you are not real."
Oh? I'm not real? Then why are you talking to me? How am I here if I am not real. No, I am real. I am very real.
Endrin would say this with a sickeningly cocky smile as he leaned closer to Mathew. Mathew in turn would recoil from the man and cover himself up feeling very vulnerable now that he was naked.
"You are just my imagination. Stress from tonight is getting to me you are not real." He would say trying to sound firm, though in truth he didn't even believe his words, and Endrin seemed to be able to pick up on that.
You are so full of it. We both know that I have been talking to you long before tonight. This is just the first time you have allowed yourself to see me. You are growing as a human being and slowly accepting what you are, however reluctantly.
"No, thats a..."
Mathew was cut off by Endrin slamming his fist down on the counter top. It would cause a loud bang, but nothing on the counter would so much as stir, which was odd to him.
Shut up! I am getting really sick of your attitude. Who are you to decide if I exist or not. Accept it, I do and you are stuck with me. Consider me your new roommate. And as your roommate I have a few demands. The first one is you need to stop being so emo, it is really starting to get on my nerves. Grow a pair you big baby. Secondly stop this crap about killing yourself and turning yourself in and being judged. We all know that isn't going to happen. What you are going to do is act normal. Nothing happened. You went out, got some air, came home like always. Nothing of interest. Third is you don't talk about me to anyone, period.
Mathew was dumbfounded by the man's sudden forcefulness and in his current state Mathew would only nod dumbly as the man spoke. He wouldn't tell anyone about Endrin, he didn't want them to think he was crazy. As for the rest... he didn't know if he could do that, but he would at least try. He really didn't want to die, or he would have killed himself.
"Ok I will try..." He would say weakly as Endrin's forceful personality seemed to wash over him.
Good, so here is what we are going to do.....
Endrin would start telling Mathew what was on his mind, Mathew would just huddle with himself tighter as he listened, rocking back and forth slowly he would shake his head no he didn't like what he was hearing and he wasn't going to do it.
Endrin would just look at Mathew's weak refusal and shrug his shoulders.
Whatever you say Mathew, maybe I will talk to you about it again when you are feeling better. I can see you are distressed. But trust me, I know what I am talking about....