Post by Youkai Chi on Aug 1, 2009 18:53:01 GMT -5
Okay, first off, I'll be deleting your posts in the RP you made. I'll save it in case you wish to reuse it after being accepted.
I know this is somewhat working backwards, but I skip around mentioning random things. It still gets the point across.
The "Quote" section under the RP sample is for your RP sample, not their quote. Tis just put in as a quote as part of the template and to help separate it from any notes and references the writer wishes to put in about it.
You have the hired body-guards? They wouldn't be simply appointed to you because of a book. And I highly doubt you need three. Kinda over the top, dontchya think?
I'd like to point out the rule on no more super smart people I'm not sure if that's what your trying to make your character out to be, but that seems pretty damn well what he is.
I'd like to see a little bit more in each section that requires two paragraphs, history especially. You basically just say what nationality your character's parents are and keep on about your book.
As for him living in America, I personally call that as a no-no. This might change, I'll have to talk to Raito.
His age seems to be a fair bit too young to have done so much. Writing a rather controversial book involving Kira, I would see this as being done by someone that was older, and much more experienced with all of it, as well as no longer being a student. It's not impossible for someone of his age, but I see it very very unlikely to be so successful and such being from someone that is only 19.
Please post here again when you are finished or message me when you are ready for me to go back over it.
I know this is somewhat working backwards, but I skip around mentioning random things. It still gets the point across.
The "Quote" section under the RP sample is for your RP sample, not their quote. Tis just put in as a quote as part of the template and to help separate it from any notes and references the writer wishes to put in about it.
You have the hired body-guards? They wouldn't be simply appointed to you because of a book. And I highly doubt you need three. Kinda over the top, dontchya think?
I'd like to point out the rule on no more super smart people I'm not sure if that's what your trying to make your character out to be, but that seems pretty damn well what he is.
I'd like to see a little bit more in each section that requires two paragraphs, history especially. You basically just say what nationality your character's parents are and keep on about your book.
As for him living in America, I personally call that as a no-no. This might change, I'll have to talk to Raito.
His age seems to be a fair bit too young to have done so much. Writing a rather controversial book involving Kira, I would see this as being done by someone that was older, and much more experienced with all of it, as well as no longer being a student. It's not impossible for someone of his age, but I see it very very unlikely to be so successful and such being from someone that is only 19.
Please post here again when you are finished or message me when you are ready for me to go back over it.
