Hiraku Takashi (COMPLETE) ^^

[hiraku]

Your Username:hiraku (what we call you in OOC)
Age:15 (your age)
Other Characters:none (any other characters that you have on this site?)


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NCHARACTERN[/size]
Full Name:Hiraku Takashi
Aliases:H
Gender: Male
]Age:16
Birthdate:July 21(month and day)
Occupation: Student (only if applicable. This includes such things as 'student')
Race: Human (human or shinigami?)

Appearance: Hiraku has the appearance of a average none caring teen. He wears black baggy pants with chains on each hip. He ussaly wears a black under shirt and over shirt but is ussaly hidden under a black hoodie. His physical apperance is pretty average built. Since he doesn't work out with weights his upper body is pretty slim. But he does alot of running so he legs tend to have alot the strength and muscle mass.
(Please put at least two paragraphs)

History: Hiraku since he has been born he has lived with his parents. But they are the normal faimly and they do have there fights. But there ussaly over Hiraku..it is not that Hiraku is a bad kid but he only made C average when they knew he was capable of so much more. They also didn't like the clothes he chose to wear they said it made him look like a crook. That was middle school when he started high school this kira buisness started criminals started dropping dead left and right. Then there was that urgent new broad cast were Lind L. Tailor or otherwise known as "L' confronted Kira. BUt ended up having a heart attack just like all criminals. Then a white screen and L appeared and he stumped kira. To Hiraku this L person seemed like a person deserve of true respect and he seemed pretty smart. So to this day Hiraku spends most of his time trying to get clues on the Kira case and try to figure out who L is so he can help him in a more direct way.
(Please put at least two paragraphs)

Personality:Hiraku personalty is the average teenager with ambitions. He doesn't care much for others except for a few friends that wormed there way into his life. But he treasures these friends. To get to know him you must become trusted by him and if you have this trust you better not abuse it or you will meet the wrong end of his fury. But how he acts around normal people is he keeps to his own thoughts and hardly speaks.
To friends he will try to keep them by his side with every thing he can. He loves all his CLOSE friends, but to get that statues you must prove that you will be there through thick and thin. But no matter how close you are to him you will never reach the level of respect of that of his Idol..L. To Hiraku L deserves all the respect that he can muster and he thinks that people should support him alot more.
(Please put at least two well thought-out paragraphs)


NLISTN
Strengths: Being able to think about 6 steps ahead in any given situation.
Weaknesses: His close friends.
Likes:L, and strawberrys sundaes
Dislikes: REALLY crowded place.
Fears: death.

Abilities: Only thing is being able to think ahead in ANY given situation. This also i guess means he can keep cool when he needs to.
(Anything your character is particularly good at?)

NEXTRAN
Weapons: as he is a civilian he can't carry any weapons but occasionaly he will carry a pocket knife.
(no...not like a samurai sword. As in guns and knives and modern things. This applies particularly to those of the Task Force)

Alliance: Supports L but is a civilian (Kira, Police, Neutral...etc)

Extra:[/b] (Anything else about your character you wish to place)

Roleplay Sample: Hiraku walked on the side walk looking at people as the passed by. He sighed i am to paranoid about these things he thougt to him self. Hiraku put his hands in his pockets and kept walking his back pack littered with papers concering some facts about the Kira case he was able to gather through various resources. Most of them is when he hacked the main computer of the NPA. Hiraku was quite smart it is just he tends not to do things unless the spark his intrest. Then he puts every single thought into it. He walked into a restraunt and sat down at a booth in the back a waiter came around and said "

what would you like today

" Hiraku sighed and said "

and strawberry sundae please"

. The waiter left and Hiraku pulled some papers out of his bag and started to look over them. who is Kira? he thought as the waiter brought his order. Hiraku took his sthingy ate some of his ice cream and said "

this is going to be harder than i thought

(Provide a roleplay sample using a humanoid, but put it in quote using these tags [ quote ] text here [ / quote ] remember to remove spaces)

[hiraku]

done ^^

[Yagami Raito]

Uhmm.... all that bold text hurts my eyes. So I'm going to modify it so that it isn't all bolded before I can look it over (or you can modify it, if you like -shot-). I don't have time to do that right now, but I shall shortly. Also, please just modify the title of your thread to say complete, or just remove the in-progress.

^^ Shall be back later to do this.

[Yagami Raito]

Alright... here's my review ^^

Appearance has not provided nearly enough information. The requirement says at least two paragraphs.

History also only has one paragraph, and is poorly written. There are grammar and spelling mistakes, and the sentences are difficult to read. This is a semi-literate rpg at the least, so those mistakes should not be present. The same here goes for personality, which should be the longest by far. Your personality section covers only one aspect of your character.

That roleplay sample also has several grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. There is also no need to place speech in quotes. For speech, you should use " " and nothing more, or bold and add color if you like (though I see no point for that).

I'm sorry, but I cannot accept this at this time unless you wish to do some modifications. Also take a look at some of the rping going on on the site and see if you think you'd be able to keep up with some of the members. Try putting your application in Microsoft Word or something similar so that you can catch your spelling mistakes and some of your grammatical errors. You'll also need to expand in personality, history, and appearance.

If you wish to make those changes, please let me know once you have.